i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
