He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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