I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
