i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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