Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
