I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
