So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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