okay pat passed out under dana's car
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
