I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
