wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I supernannyed him into submission
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
