Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
