I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
