i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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