I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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