You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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