you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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