at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
