i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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