theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
