oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
