what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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