dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
