Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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