dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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