last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
