i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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