So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Holy sore nipples Batman
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
