woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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