On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need moral support for this bender
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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