Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
foreskin is a definite game changer
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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