i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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