This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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