I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
