if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
