his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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