you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I want to be your penis for a week.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
