is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
