The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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