what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
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so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
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I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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