Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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