chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
