I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
