Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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