just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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