I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
