Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
