so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
