i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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