it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
