So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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