had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
