hotel room ftw
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
