On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Can you repeat that, but with context?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
