I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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