While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
