Rock
Scissors
Fuck
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
