i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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