Apparently you make a good broom.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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