I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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