I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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