He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
