dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
