My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
