hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
