does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
