foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
