I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
