to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat