Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.