i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!