your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL