How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
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her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
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I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.