id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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