dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
